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  • Most embarrasing moment

    All right lads, in the spirit of a bit of a laugh I'll kick this one off:

    Picture a starving, sleep deprived irishrgr at Ranger School, swamp phase in Florida. Absloutely shatterd tired, setting up for an ambush, detailed, with three other lads to be far security for an ambush on a road. Off we go, get in place, it's cold, heavy drizzle & fog. We're miserable but swear we wont fall asleep....Next thing we remember is waking to the sound of distant gunfire as those on the ambush line who stayed awake fired a few shots. It was at this point we realize someone has taken our weapons (which are tied to you with para cord). Staff goes "admin" with the requisite amount of swearing, shouting, push-ups flutter kicks and general bollocking of the students. "We'll do this ambush all fcuking night until we get it right" they scream.

    Everyone shuffles back to position......irishrgr presents himself to staff "Sergeant, we don't have our weapons...." Small, instructor sized explosion in his face.....a shape looms behind the RI (Ranger Instructor) "Whats the problem sergeant?" "These fcukwits don't have their weapons Sergeant Major" Of course, this was the day the Regimental Commander and his Sergeant Major had decided to walk patrols with us.

    Irishrgr begins mentally composing his letter of resignation, wondering should he just post his kit back to the unit or just leave it on the doorstep late one night, either way he's thinking this won't go well and that distant flushing sound is in fact his career. Sergeant Major tells us he found our position by the snoring and was able to untie our weapons from our belts we were so asleep. "Come see me in the morning" he says and notes our roster number. After another miserable sleepless night of slopping around in the swamp, a grey dawn arrives. Irishrgr presents himself to the CSM and amazingly, after a serious bollocking, gets a "minor" (essentially a slap on the wrist), CSM tells him Merry Christmas and to fcuk off.....it was Decemberr after all.......best Christmas pressie ever....of course for the rest of the school, the staff were happy to remind me of my sleeping habits.........so lets hear some other stories...A

  • #2
    I was doing a paddy's day parade in FFR , was a hot day windows down drive at two miles an hour back to the barracks everyone jumps out to hand back in their weapons. i put up all the windows i get out to shut down the sin gar and find the back door locked no biggy ill do it from back seat but no that two is locked .
    no i wont cause this FFR the only one i ever drove that has a central locking button on the drivers door along side the electric window buttons which i some how had hit getting out , que every one laughing and offering advise
    did i mention it was on square in front of the guard room thankfully no pictures exist
    Last edited by greyfox; 28 January 2010, 12:35.
    "take a look to the sky right before you die, its the last time you will"

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    • #3
      no but i remember that well
      or what about the two polish lad that were trying to get into the back of the nissan i was driving on paddys day i asked them to please not open the door as we were moving.the two boys were drunk and so pretended to not hear me so after two more warnings i stood on the breaks as they opened the back door again and all i heard was three loud bangs one was the door and the other two was the lads.They got the message loud and clear after that and f**ked off
      Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat.

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      • #4
        ... Not for me, but I was there to witness a side splitting moment

        Years ago, we had an officer (still serving) who was not overly liked
        (at best tolerated) by the unit's Cadre Sgt

        This was early September, and we were just back parading a couple of weeks,
        after the post FTT break

        One of the lads had brought in a "talking keyring" with him, which he'd picked up
        on a holiday to the States

        Press the button, and insults came out in random order, you didn' t know
        which one was queued up with this gadget next, in a high pitched
        American accent...

        Two I remember were:

        " You' re an asshole "
        " Dipshit "

        Anyhow, we were in the armoury and the aforementioned Sgt asked for a
        lend of this gadget, as he'd seen the aforementioned RDF officer coming in

        The officer came in, exchanged pleasantries, and walked out, at which point,
        the Sgt hit the button, whereupon the " You' re an asshole " echoed all around
        the armoury

        I' d swear he heard it as he hesistated ever so slightly and I saw the neck redden
        as he quickened his pace out the door to a repeat performance of the device
        with " Dipshit "

        We fell about the place laughing, the Sgt got great mileage out of it that night,
        and handed it back at 10pm with the battery almost worn out

        "Well, stone me! We've had cocaine, bribery and Arsenal scoring two goals at home. But just when you thought there were truly no surprises left in football, Vinnie Jones turns out to be an international player!" (Jimmy Greaves)!"

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        • #5
          again not one of mine....but mortified for the poor nco involved.

          many years ago on my first weekend with the FCA. It was section in attacks all day and a semi tactical overnight camp in tents and bivvies. as we got into the base camp the lt. called the platoon into a semi circle around him to give us the brief about base camp routines, things to watch out for and so on. he finishes the brief with the security details, giving out passwords, sentry duties and highlights the security detail and how they can be identified as different from the exercise troops. once its all done he dismisses the platoon with the final warning to be careful moving about the camp and watch out for low branches, tent guy lines, etc.

          with that the nco in charge of the security detail, who was standing beside the lt. so as to show the troops how he was identified as security, turned away and took two steps......and promptly tripped over a tent guy line going flat on his face into the ground. worse still he buries the muzzle of his FN in the ground as he falls and then has the lt. standing over him scowling and a full platoon of recruits trying to hold the laughter in as he tries to get up. poor fella!
          Last edited by X-RayOne; 1 February 2010, 12:21.
          Fate whispers to the warrior, "There is a storm coming"

          And the warrior whispers back "I am the storm".

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          • #6
            I
            was doing a paddy's day parade in FFR , was a hot day windows down drive at two miles an hour back to the barracks everyone jumps out to hand back in their weapons. i put up all the windows i get out to shut down the sin gar and find the back door locked no biggy ill do it from back seat but no that two is locked .
            no i wont cause this FFR the only one i ever drove that has a central locking button on the drivers door along side the electric window buttons which i some how had hit getting out , que every one laughing and offering advise
            did i mention it was on square in front of the guard room thankfully no pictures exis
            being the guy sitting next to you for the day and one of those who laughed his bollocks off yeah I remember it well.

            But twice as funny was some of the suggestions on how to open it it..to include leave it running until the fuel runs out.

            It was estimated that a Niassn on a full tank ticking over would last the best part of 10 days....

            Bump it and the central locking will open...fcuking myth

            the windows might be loose..In a brand new FFR..like Fcuk...

            Might be a spare key in the transport yard...funnier still....

            Try the key of another newly deliverd FFR....like Fu........emmmm it worked first time........
            Covid 19 is not over ....it's still very real..Hand Hygiene, Social Distancing and Masks.. keep safe

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            • #7
              During a PSO some years ago..about 2005 were doing VCPs when the baddies broke through and we went after them....

              My driver was in role playing mode as I was myself.

              The Corkistani Driver alos slipped into role play mode...

              Any through the fog of war and the red mist the bound lines of the exercise were broken without knowing and when the opposing forces Nissan came to a stop and four guys are pointing weapons at the car and dragging guys out shouting and screaming do we realise that we are no longer on the side of some lane up the back of Kilworth..but in the middle of Mitchelstown ..at 6pm of a wednesday afternoon with the whole town looking on.

              Sheepishly we embuss and fcuk off. After some debate between the crews it was decided the Trp Cdr should be made aware, omitting some of the grittier details,

              Displeased but not surprised was the reaction.
              Covid 19 is not over ....it's still very real..Hand Hygiene, Social Distancing and Masks.. keep safe

              Comment


              • #8
                Hi all,
                Self: allowing myself to be manouvered into position to be dunked into a freezing cold tank of water (this after having nailed others for same).
                others: a pilot getting out of a Fouga forgot to unclip his parachute, which promptly deployed.Result; laughs all round and a packer's tax of a fiver to the parachute shop..........a Heli Flight guy who tried to lift a six-man liferaft out of an Alouette by the operating handle. The raft began to inflate inside the Alouette( you could hear the windows trying to pop) and only the frantic stabbing by a couple of winchmen "killed" the raft and saved the aircraft.

                regards
                GttC

                Comment


                • #9
                  Last summer during a FTT week of tactics, the end of which culminated in a Nato T. I was given the role as 2/IC in a section, who were appoint as the recce element in setting up the Nato T at night.

                  Anyways the Pl Com, the Ic and me went on the recce, the Lt choose postions of the parts of the T, we got the rest of the section up, give them positions. Then the Lt was to radio to the Company IC, (it was a company in attack) to get the company to move up and take position s on the T. But we lost radio contact, so I was sent as a runner to tell the Company IC the T was set and to move into position.

                  So I got back down, in the dark, with a little bit of moon light. As I'm going along I trip over something and fall to the ground. I feel around and realize it was a leg, but didn't I hand up in my feeling about putting my hand between the legs....... At which point my hand snaps back and questions are asked.

                  Turns out it was an DS sitting down ready to deploy flares during the attack

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Vamp369 View Post
                    Last summer during a FTT week of tactics, the end of which culminated in a Nato T. I was given the role as 2/IC in a section, who were appoint as the recce element in setting up the Nato T at night.

                    Anyways the Pl Com, the Ic and me went on the recce, the Lt choose postions of the parts of the T, we got the rest of the section up, give them positions. Then the Lt was to radio to the Company IC, (it was a company in attack) to get the company to move up and take position s on the T. But we lost radio contact, so I was sent as a runner to tell the Company IC the T was set and to move into position.

                    So I got back down, in the dark, with a little bit of moon light. As I'm going along I trip over something and fall to the ground. I feel around and realize it was a leg, but didn't I hand up in my feeling about putting my hand between the legs....... At which point my hand snaps back and questions are asked.

                    Turns out it was an DS sitting down ready to deploy flares during the attack
                    Yeah yeah thats believable, have you done this before or since? should the DS use a teddy bear to show where exactly you touched him?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by GoneToTheCanner View Post
                      Hi all,
                      Self: allowing myself to be manouvered into position to be dunked into a freezing cold tank of water (this after having nailed others for same).
                      others: a pilot getting out of a Fouga forgot to unclip his parachute, which promptly deployed.Result; laughs all round and a packer's tax of a fiver to the parachute shop..........a Heli Flight guy who tried to lift a six-man liferaft out of an Alouette by the operating handle. The raft began to inflate inside the Alouette( you could hear the windows trying to pop) and only the frantic stabbing by a couple of winchmen "killed" the raft and saved the aircraft.

                      regards
                      GttC
                      Gttc isn't it true that back in the day an FCA lad on exercise with the AIII while mounting up, went a bit too Hollywood and launched his bren through the door from 6ft away,where it promptly slid across the floor and through the far door?
                      Last edited by warthog; 1 February 2010, 20:35.

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                      • #12
                        Was on recruit camp for me! Very first day we were told to put away out stuff. Now either it wasnt said, or we didnt hear it (more likely) but we heard nothing of come straight back out. We went into said room in Finner and get everything squared away. Sat down on the beds and chatted. "Jeez, this is fierce handy so far"! About 10 mins in, we heard a call from the front door (Finner billets = long building with seperate rooms all the way down) "hello, anyone there?" nothing untoward about the voice, fairly conversational...us "yeah, down here" cue: thump Thump THump THUmp THUMp THUMP THUMP! BANG!!!! door flies open and hits the bed behind, we see (or rather hear) livid cadre sgt: "WHAT THE EFF ARE YOU DOING? GET THE EFF OUTSIDE! HURRY THE EFF UP! FOR EFF SAKE WE'RE WAITING FOR TEN EFFING MINUTES FOR YOU EFFERS! GET THE EFF OUT" while all this roaring was going on, we sh1t the proverbial brick and pelt out the door, pulling on smocks, arms flying everywhere, hoods over heads, to see everyone (two platoons) outside waiting. Apparently there had been two or three rolls called till it was figured where we'd been!

                        asked the aforementioned cadre sgt if he remembered it about a year after and he just went "hehe...aye" and drove off.
                        I knew a simple soldier boy.....
                        Who grinned at life in empty joy,
                        Slept soundly through the lonesome dark,
                        And whistled early with the lark.

                        In winter trenches, cowed and glum,
                        With crumps and lice and lack of rum,
                        He put a bullet through his brain.
                        And no one spoke of him again.

                        You smug-faced crowds with kindling eye
                        Who cheer when soldier lads march by,
                        Sneak home and pray you'll never know
                        The hell where youth and laughter go.

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                        • #13
                          On a career course quite a few years ago, we had a CEMO inspection (58 pattern days). One of the students thought his backpack looked too empty (cause it was empty) so he put a pillow in it to pack it out. We all arrived on the square and had to empty our kit on to our ponchos for inspection. The instructor's reaction was priceless.

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                          • #14
                            Always carry a torch.

                            My first night in Camp Bastion I was coming back from the EFFI to my accommodation in near blackout conditions, apart from some dim lights at the far end of camp.

                            I stayed to the main roads inside the camp as best I could but got dazzled by the lights on an oncoming landrover and lost my ability to see in the dark. I kept walking but eventually ran out of road.

                            Much to my shock I fell into a storm drain some 5 feet deep and nearly broke my left arm. If that was not bad enough I did the exact same thing two nights later in a different storm drain in another part of the camp.

                            About a week later the same thing hapened to a Brigadier, he fell down a storm trecnh and got impaled on a tac sign.
                            Last edited by rod and serpent; 1 February 2010, 23:42.

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                            • #15
                              Reminds me of the night I got arrested in Kilworth by the PA's..I was very drunk, buta s there were no detention facilities I was placed under open arrest and ordered to my bunk..

                              Of course in my state I knew chapter and verse and since I was placed under arrest had to be escorted to my billet..The Poor PA was so dumbstruck he knew no better but to escort me to the billet.

                              Now at the time they were putting in the new lighting in Kilworth and some one had opened up huge holes in the ground to install the poles...unprotected of course.

                              the OOD stopped the PA to question him regarding me..so I suppose I just came to a stop..when the PA finished he turned round to find I had vanished .

                              In my toxic state I had of course fallen into the hole which was about eight feet deep...the PA panicked and went looking for me while all the time saying ..he's fcked off.....I'm in the shit.....

                              Eventually after a smoke or two I decided that I would call for help to get me out..ever try climb out of a deep narrow hole while in the horrors in the pitch black...

                              The charges were dropped and I got told not to take the piss out of the PAs again and to stay out of the Blue Dragon..wheter I was in uniform or not.. the poor bollocks with me thought he would lose his stripes but didn't. I was a trooper of 27 at the time and was not adverse to frightening the shit out of young PA's.
                              Covid 19 is not over ....it's still very real..Hand Hygiene, Social Distancing and Masks.. keep safe

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